Confident and Humble — How Can I Be Both at the Same Time?

A few nights ago I sat at a coffee shop with my little, black journal in front of me. I picked up my pen and began writing in all caps the word CONFIDENCE. I stared at it, and it stared at me. I asked God to show me the reasons why I should be confident.

He told me this:

• Jesus lives in me. Romans 8:10-11 
• God is my God. Psalm 63:1-3 
• God is for me. Romans 8:31
• God hears my prayers. Prov. 15:29
• The King is my Father. Matt 5:14-16

Then I turned the page in my journal, and I wrote the word HUMILITY in all caps. I stared at it, and it stared at me. Again, I asked God to show me why I should be humble and how.

He told me this: 

• I don't deserve anything. (God gave me everything) Romans 6:23
• I am not the best. (People are better than me) Romans 12:3-5
• I have a lot to learn. (People and God can teach me) Hebrews 10:14
• I got to where I am because people helped me. Romans 12:3-5
• Jesus was King and washed people's feet. John 13:12
• Jesus created the world and He was humble. Gen. 1:1

Saul in the Old Testament stood a head taller than anyone else in Israel yet lacked confidence and humility, too. And when it came time for him to be named king this was Saul's response: He said, "But am I not a Benjamin, form the smallest tribe of Israel, and is not my clan the least of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin?"

Eight months ago I read a Beth Moore devotional talking about Saul and his lack of confidence. Moore said, "How do we distinguish between godly humility and low self-esteem? Which did Saul display?" She said, "One key lies in our focus. A person with godly humility looks to the Master. He or she neither exalts nor denigrates self, because to do either is to make self the center of our universe. When we're really serving Christ, our reputations and abilities simply cease to be so important. We must decrease that He may increase." She goes on saying, "Saul exhibited the core sin of all self-centered people: he focused on himself. We need to recognize that a lack of confidence does not equal humility. In fact genuinely humble people have enormous confidence because it rests in a great God." 

When I read that in January, that was the beginning of my journey of finding out how to be confident and humble.

A year ago, I had neither of those things. My confidence was based on what people thought of me. I wasn't a humble person either. I lacked a lot self-esteem. Being in this position as a Christian feels paralyzing, because nothing is concrete. My emotions and thoughts about myself changed every day. 

It seemed impossible in the beginning of the year to have the ability to be confident and humble, but each day I wake up and every step I take with our BIG, BIG God I'm learning it is possible. Because of Matthew 9:26.